Sunday, January 29, 2012

My Realizations:)

Today talking to some friends I really noticed how much of a negative person I can be. I decided that maybe I could take my own advice and try harder to find the good in all situations. For instance with my dad gone I can find the good from that being that I'm stronger and met some great people.

The guy I am currently seeing has helped me to see that the little things really do make a difference. Like a hug or a kiss on the forehead. The most simple touch can make the biggest difference. A wave from a stranger can make your day. Or at least for me it can.

Im also back to having those dreams that relate a bit too much to what is actually going on in reality. It scares me sometimes by honestly I'm not going to worry about it until it happens. I mean yea I'll be aware and be warned. So I'm prepared. I just won't stress.

Ha this is weird.... But for some reason I just can't seem to write.
But I'm at peace so I guess it's ok. :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


They were right when they told me that eventually things will get better. Luckily I think that they are starting to (aside from school and my tickets). I think I have started to realize I just need to be around the people that have a good influence on me and make me happy. I just need to get out. :)

That night with my friends was amazing. Even though we (well most of us) were shaking from being so cold and walking around in the dark, we still had more good times that I had thought would come from that night. It was exactly what I needed:) good friends:) great guy:) calming night:) and as weird as it started it ended perfect:) like I said... If I could I would rewind time and make it last, but I wouldn't change a thing:):)

Monday, January 9, 2012

Adventures in Dixie:)

January 7th would probably have to be one of the best days this year so far. It started out pretty great. Just me and my brother hanging out. We then decided to invite a couple friends, Jake and Nate, to come hang out with us. We ended up going to dixie where we took tons of pictures had alot of laughs and made some great memories. We had a few falls and I even had a couple of my Debbie downer moments but by the end of the day we all were full of smiles:)

Looking back on my train of thought that day I have proved to myself that your attitude toward things really does change how your day goes. And sometimes faking it till you make it really does work. I may not have been able to hang out with my three best friends and a guy from school but i still did not let that get me down. I made the best with what I had. And I had a blast:):)

Friday, January 6, 2012

Start to a new year, new life

This last year was of coarse a bit rough. I dropped out of high school. Lost my dad to a battle with cancer. And moved hours away from home. Trying to start fresh did not come easy or go well. I made new friends. But I also made new mistakes. I think after realizing all of what happened it was my weakest time. I was easy to hurt. So I was. Pushed around. Talked down to. Bullied. Yet I still had the ones that cared about me enough to stick around.

This last year I think I have proved a lot to myself. Like I don't need a guy to be happy and that even though my dad is no longer around life moves on and he is still watching me.

I have a lot of secrets that I have kept though. And alot of them I am not so proud of.

I never told the man I truly care about how I felt till today. I never told my mother about my last relationship or at least why we are no longer together. I never treated my brother the way I want to. I never did my homework or went to school. I was never really the best example to my friends.

This year I am making it a goal to be happy. But with being happy. I will tell no lies. I will keep no secrets. I will be responsible. I will help out more even if I don't want to. I will get out more and make new friends. I will help my brother. I will get closer to him. I will find ways to be happy and I will stop being so down. To me it sounds like alot of work. But when your told that you can do it, and you prove that you can, NOTHING is impossible. So new year? .... Here I come:) hope your ready for it:)